Things I Will Keep #2: GOD BLESS TINY TIM

Tiny Tim
God Bless Tiny Tim
1968, Reprise

As the years go by, as my metabolism slows, as thoughts about mortality hit me like a bird shitting on my head everyday, as I figure out what I really care about in life, and as I enthusiastically prune my 4-5,000-piece record collection down to a modest stash of essentials, more and more do I realize that I love happy music most of all.

I guess that there’s great angry music and depressing music out there. Cool. Somebody else can listen to it.

Your humble reporter though, as he falls apart like an old Chevy Nova and spends his evenings at home tending to his two cats and his sciatic nerves, is all about the good times and sunny vibes. The occasional arty outsider thing can catch his weathered ear from time to time (watch this space for some of that in future installments, if you dare), but for the most part, he loves pretty tones that make luscious melodies that build up to timeless songs. This sordid specimen of whom we speak is your regular pop nerd and your basic freak for a hook. A real headcase. His younger music snob self would be ashamed. He’s a disgrace, this old short bald guy who never exercises. He wants to put on music and sway and sing along. He wants to play the same songs over and over. He wants to rock out and be flown around on angel wings. He wants to get out of this paragraph in which he’s stuck referring to himself in the third person.

That doesn’t mean that I only love songs about rainbows and candy (though I do love plenty of songs about rainbows and candy). Rather, I’d define “happy” music as music that exhibits a sincere love for life (sad songs can be awfully sweet on the ears when they’re beautifully written). There are many different ways do that.

And this genius first album from Tiny Tim hits a whole bunch of them. It’s a masterpiece of dreamy aural world-building and soul-soothing. I could never get rid of it. My mood lifts the moment that I put it on. I always want to be around it.

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The Only Christmas Album That Matters

Tiny Tim
Tiny Tim’s Christmas Album
1995, Rounder Records

Lesser singers, such as Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Barbra Streisand and Michael Bubbles, have tried.

They’ve tried to conjure up a joyous holiday spirit while they wrap their pristine voices around some of the worst songs ever written. They’ve tried to make us feel good. They’ve tried to make us hold our loved ones a little closer. They’ve tried to make us think about Jesus while we’re on our fifth eggnog.

They’ve tried and failed. At least for dirtbags like me who only like Christmas because it’s a day off from work—and shouldn’t us assholes be the REAL judge of what makes great Christmas music?

I think so. And you can trust me. I’ve only had three martinis tonight.

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